F*-ed Up Dreams

Some of you guys out there dream quite often. Some not so much. And then the rest of yous don't remember your dreams AT ALL. You poor guys. Sometimes dreams can be a little Too Much Info but it's nice to have a few every now and then to keep things interesting!!

It all reminds me of Barb's Myspace headline quote: "Do you want to live a safe life, or an authentic one?" LOL.

For those of you looking for a thrill, I HIGHLY recommend Neil Gaiman's The Sandman comics. I'd been meaning to read these for several years now and FINALLY got around to it. I've been keeping them on my night table and reading at least one issue every night before bed for the past week or so.

This, my friends, is how you get really messed up dreams!!

Nevermind the hormone factor. To illustrate my point, I have included a picture of The Corinthian, a creature who originated from the world of dreams:

Yes, those ARE teeth in his eye sockets.

Someone was so inspired by this character that he/she decided to do a digital photo of the character. I thought it was pretty rad-tacular:

So fucked up, but so great!!!!!!

KIMCHI & COOKIES

I spoke to them folks again at Pasadena Urban Outfitters and the guy in the receiving department told me they had just shipped their Kimchi and Blue Rib Yoke Tunics back to the vendor!!

"But someone in your store said you guys didn't receive that item yet from Burbank!"

"Well, we just did what Burbank did-- we sent 'em back to the vendor. Something was wrong with them."

I explained to him what kind of disaster this spelled for my twisted world.

"You can call our Valley Village location to see if they still have any of their stock left," he suggested, giving me the number.

I called Valley Village in a tizzy.

"I"m sorry, we just - "

"I know I know, sent them back to the vendor."

"That's right."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" (in the fashion of Anakin Skywalker-just-turned-Darth-Vader when he finds out what happened to Padme)

"Yeah. They were defective-- they get holes in them pretty easily."

I relaxed. Why would I want to pay to wear swiss cheese?

So now I am quite happily munching on a plateful of these:

I'd made some with Adam last night when he came over (he very kindly brought over Crash on DVD for me to keep, it was an AWESOME movie and you guys have to see it!) and we polished off all but two cookies... which went down my big ole hatch this morning. And guess what? I made another batch which I am currently consuming now as a quasi dinner!!!!

PMS is crazy and we gals have EVERY RIGHT to be bitchy at this time. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts.

ps I want spicy noodles now... and kimchi for reals.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - THE KIMCHI & BLUE SAGA

I ordered a bunch of stuff from UrbanOutfitters.com last week. Took forever to get a shipping confirmation because a few items were put on backorder. One of them being the super gray tunic pictured below:

I rang up customer service today to inquire about my order and the woman mentioned something that brought my heart to a dead stop for 2 seconds AND gave me the sudden urge to pee:

"...And the Kimchi and Blue Rib Yoke Tunic in charcoal heather gray has been cancelled."

"Excuse me?"

"Cancelled. It's sold out."

"WHAT?!"

I got off the phone thinking my life is done for this fall and winter if I cannot have Kimchi & Blue's super cool yoke tunic in charcoal heather gray. Even if I'm not a fabulously tall stick-thin blonde.

Then it occurred to me that the stores would probably still have them in stock. I rang up Burbank. "We just sent all of our stock on that item to the Pasadena location," the chick said.

I rang up Pasadena. "We haven't received that item yet... if Burbank sent it out yesterday it could arrive later today, or no later than Friday."

The chase is on! TO BE CONTINUED...

Mr. Winkle

On any other day this blog would have no place for something so cute and cuddly and absurd!

Check out Mr. Winkle. I'm mostly a fan of his calendar... there's a picture of him in a cauliflower patch! lol his tagline is "What is Mr. Winkle?"

Spooning

Was condensing my huge pile of backup cds and came across this photo of the unspeakable:

It was from the Maya and Miguel days, when it was just me and Captain OE as production assistants... I had named my stapler Jaws and hers was Clifford, for it was big and red.

I looked at Jaws and Clifford one day and started laughing hard.

"What?" said Kathy, giving me a puzzled look.

I just unfolded Clifford and Jaws and arranged them thus so. "They're spooning," I gasped between guffaws. She bust out laughing!

And then I placed a staple remover near them. Captain OE dutifully drew a pair of eyes on it. Junior, watching Mom and Dad spooning... or doing something else!

Fiddle Farts.

My workout this morning consisted of going over to Burbank World Gym... and then back.

The gods don't want me to stay trim!!

After being down and out with a cold for about 2 weeks (I was still blowing my nose til yesterday) I finally decided to get my ass to the gym. The instructor at my local gym is still on vacation til next week (I CAN'T WAIT til she comes back!) so I finally got up the energy to get my ass kicked at a spinning class in Burbank.

I'd thought about calling in to confirm the schedule last night, but I looked at the paper copy I had and it said, "effective August." I figured they're on a seasonal schedule and weren't likely to change...

And of course I get there at 8:15am on the dot for an 8:30 class... and they'd switched the schedule around, because of the start of the school year. "It was at 7 this morning... so you just missed it," said the blondie receptionist, biting her lip. She offered to let me work out... but I wore my crap sneakers, planning to don my purty cycling shoes for class. "You can spin on your own if you'd like," she then said, but I didn't have my ipod headphones!! Not to mention, my low frustration tolerance kicked in, and I lost my hard-on for a workout.

MRANH!!

On a happier note, I did get a gourmet little heart rate monitor... feast your eyes on the women's Polar F11:

It measures your heart rate, figures out how many calories you've burned, records your heart rate during workouts and graphs them, you can wear it in the water AND MORE! A mini personal trainer, but smaller, prettier and it doesn't yell at you like some Tony Little.

I'll let y'all know how it is... WHENEVER I GET A CHANCE TO TRY IT OUT. Dammit. Hopefully that will be at spinning class that I know for a fact will be at 6am tomorrow morning. That's right. The ass-crack of dawn. HAZZAH!!!!

OMG...

... My ex from freshman year of college is MARRIED. Soooooo weeiiiiirrrdd!!!

Yeah thanks Myspace. Sometimes there are things you just don't wanna know but are curious to know, but are better off not knowing!

I exaggerate of course-- I haven't spoken to my ex in over five years, and they look happy together and they're a very nice couple, so I hear from Abel who was present at the wedding!

But it's freakin' weird... we knew Jess (the bride) when we were all freshmen and she was dating someone else while I was dating Geoff... imagine my surprise when I found out they were dating in the later half of our years at NYU! And needless to say, things didn't end too well between me and Geoff, though we were stupid 19-year-olds with our heads up our asses!

What made me look him up? I was at an NYU alum thing at the Academy of Television in North Hollywood last week and caught a glimpse of them coming out of the screening of Oliver Stone's 9/11 film. I knew they'd come out to CA to live and work, but did not yet know they were married! I pretended not to see them and avoided them, and I'm sure they did the same. Knowing they'd been together for a while, I got curious!

All personal shit aside, I wish 'em a happy one. I think I'm mostly weirded out by the fact that they are my contemporaries. It's becoming a stronger trend as time passes....

Seasons

I can't imagine what it must be like to live without seasons. Even if there's something dastardly inconvenient about winter and summer in particular, there's always something that will make their absence felt.

The mornings and evenings have grown quite cool here... it's so nice to roll over in bed in the morning and peel the covers back and feel it lift the heat off your skin. After the summer heat waves in the Valley it is a welcome change!

And the school buses have started roaring on the streets again, which bring to mind the smell of new notebooks and shiny pens and pencils neatly arranged in a row. It was always a treat to walk home from the first day of school with a list of supplies to get for class, to have an excuse to splurge at the drug store (particularly in the pre-Staples/Office Max era)... This manic sensation I have for Back-To-School fever is probably what's keeping me sane at the moment, ironically enough!

I definitely miss the leaves turning, and falling down to leave behind those bare hungry branches of winter. I got to see it last year before leaving NY, but definitely won't be around for it this time around!

Bionic Arm

WHOA! Rad or what?

Sex Bears

Yes, you read that right. The stupidest thing but for some reason I'm laughing my ass off!! Check it out.

The Red Bastard

I was sitting on the crapper today, ruminating on the things I miss about New York. And suddenly I bolted upright as one thought pierced my skull: THE RED BASTARD.

My New York people, if you haven't seen this guy, look up his next performances and check him out ASAP! If you don't, you will never touch that golden apex of self-actualization atop Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. He usually haunts the improv comedy venues, he performs with other artists. His act is pretty short, but VERY memorable!!!!

To the non-New Yorkais, if you EVER go to NY, be sure to hunt him down. It will be so worthwhile!

Asians Say the Darndest Things

Look what I got!!!!! A gift from Catia. CREAM COLLON!!! Brought to you by Glico, the makers of POCKY. Out of all the words in the English language, they had to bring together "cream" and "collon [sic]" to name their little tube-shaped cream-filled cookies!!

I was so excited over this box that I shall keep for years to come!! I will be sure to keep love letters in it, and other heartfelt correspondences... that's right. Deep inside my yellow Collon!! Like a desperate Columbian drug trafficker!

If you look closely, Catia drew little kitty faces on the cookies. LOL!!! Thanks sweetie, you made my day!!!!!

Rape of The Senses: The Final Installment

I've been down and out with laryngitis for the past few days.

More importantly, the nose goblins have set up camp.

What the hell is a nose goblin? The closest thing I can come to describing them would be the oversized Slimer-esque creatures featured in the Mucinex commercials - see above. (Incidentally, I am taking Mucinex to hack up the sludgies, which at present resemble Brach's butterscotch candies when I deposit them in the sink. Bet you were dying to know that!)

What does one associate with nose goblins? You got it. GOOPETY WUMP-NUGGETS. Nose goblins leave goopety wump-nuggets of a special kind when they set up camp. Clearing out the goopety wump-nuggets is like trying to clean an oil spill in the sea.

As though that weren't bad enough, once the G.W.Ns are gone, you've got a good ole shock to your olefactory nerves. Smells and scents hit you like it's your first time smelling them. This might be great, were it not for the fact that I have some raw kale salad from Whole Foods that's been good for my health, but giving me some funky poo. The firm, fatigues-green sluggish kind that comes out in small doses. As though the sight and sensation weren't enough, I know the day will soon come when my olefactory nerves will rue their freedom from the goopety wump-nuggets. Because I had gotten a LARGE raw kale salad that will last for quite some time....

The End of the World

First Steve Irwin... and then Jesus Camp.

It's only 2:30am, but already it is a black, black day.

Argh!!

I was supposed to go in to Andersen's this morning to help Alyce feed them pups. But I overslept! Grah!! I was sooo embarrassed. It's not like I'd been out late partying-- nothing like that in the least! Just went to bed by midnight, woke up around 4 and couldn't fall back asleep right away.

I don't even remember the alarms going off (I use TWO when I have to be up for something the next day-- my bedside clock AND my cell phone!!)! I just woke up to roll over contentedly in bed... and then I noticed the daylight outside seemed strange... it was not 6:30am daylight. It was ten to nine!!!!

What made this particularly bad was that I had planned to feed the pups in the morning, and then I was going to head over to GHS to mentor any volunteers and to walk some doggies.

A quick e-mail check confirmed that I had two volunteers coming at 9!!

A rough morning was had, and it was hot as hell!! A quick stop to the Coffee Bean (or Grind, if you're Miss Tiffany Tejeda) at the end of it all chased it away. Mmmm. Large iced coffee with a scoop of white chocolate. I'm still schlurping on the straw even though it's just melted ice at the bottom.

Smell My Fingers...

... for they reek of Wellness White Fish and Sweet Potato dog food. YICK!

Ricotta went home yesterday, leaving her pups behind at Andersen's. They've been super energetic since Mamma Bear left! I stepped into their gated area and set their food down on the floor. They danced in their food as they ate, and then they proceeded to yank on my socks, coating them in Wellness sweet potato and fish! I had to take off my socks before putting my shoes back on.

I went in for an echocardiogram for a heart murmur my doctor found! It was amazing to watch my heart on the monitor. You could see the valves flapping in the chambers and the aorta and everything. The human body is an incredible piece of engineering! No wonder why so many things could go wrong with it! Like smelly fingers.