Rape of The Senses: The Final Installment

I've been down and out with laryngitis for the past few days.

More importantly, the nose goblins have set up camp.

What the hell is a nose goblin? The closest thing I can come to describing them would be the oversized Slimer-esque creatures featured in the Mucinex commercials - see above. (Incidentally, I am taking Mucinex to hack up the sludgies, which at present resemble Brach's butterscotch candies when I deposit them in the sink. Bet you were dying to know that!)

What does one associate with nose goblins? You got it. GOOPETY WUMP-NUGGETS. Nose goblins leave goopety wump-nuggets of a special kind when they set up camp. Clearing out the goopety wump-nuggets is like trying to clean an oil spill in the sea.

As though that weren't bad enough, once the G.W.Ns are gone, you've got a good ole shock to your olefactory nerves. Smells and scents hit you like it's your first time smelling them. This might be great, were it not for the fact that I have some raw kale salad from Whole Foods that's been good for my health, but giving me some funky poo. The firm, fatigues-green sluggish kind that comes out in small doses. As though the sight and sensation weren't enough, I know the day will soon come when my olefactory nerves will rue their freedom from the goopety wump-nuggets. Because I had gotten a LARGE raw kale salad that will last for quite some time....